It’s never too late to finally wake up and realize a thing or two about life. I’m doing just that lately. Let me share some thoughts.
Lately, I’ve been looking after our dog, Viernes. She really was my wife’s dog but Jihae is in Korea looking after her ailing dad, so it’s on me. I’ve had to get to know her these past months and let me tell you, she’s enriched me in a good number of ways.
The important thing about our relationship is - she needs me. I can’t just zoom off to the beach, I can’t stay out too long. I’d love right now to just head off into the wild world of discovery - but there is Viernes. She needs me. Truly. She wouldn’t survive and yes, also my responsibility to see things to the end, as all dog owners should.
“We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another.”
Thomas Merton
But instead of feeling burdened, I feel enlivened. Why? Well, it is the discovery that one of the most important facets of a quality life, is to be needed. This is truly the only way to Maslow’s self-actualization or transformation stage.
I see now why I stayed in teaching despite how it stressed, frustrated me so. I was needed.
I wrote about it, about a decade ago in a speech I gave to send off graduate students at my university. But like anything, knowing is one thing, living it another. [and that’s a big problem with education and learning in general - too much from the head up - to paraphrase Sir Ken. ]
I do not know how much value I have in this universe, but I do know that I have made a few people happier than they would have been without me! As long as I know that, I am as rich as I ever need to be. (R. Williams "Mork and Mindy" 1978)
So now I’m living it. I hope you are needed, by your children, by a pet, by friends, neighbors, a lover, by the wider community. Purpose is one thing but without need - purpose dries up on its branch. Our significance derives not from ourselves but that need of others for us. We all were born in communion - to be part of something larger than ourselves.
No Schaudenfreud
The question is –
why is our happiness
so conditional on
our subjective belief
that we are better than
someone else?
I mean – holy shit!
Just think of it.
Our whole culture one
piss den of evil ego –
crabs clamoring over each other
to be the first
to get out of the bucket.
Narcissists anonymouses,
selfish worth,
Dorian touch of gray.
It’s everything. It’s everywhere.
No wonder we don’t
have a word for it.