“I can’t go on. I’ll go on.” Godot.
It’s not easy to return to who you are. It ain’t.
Most of the world out there, life crushes. Why? ‘Cause they can never find a way back, a way home. They become permanently lost. An unmarked grave.
I’ve always loved running. Even before I ever realized it. Even loved it more before I realized it. But the last 10 - 15 years, though I’ve run some - have been a slog. I just did short runs and that didn’t do anything for my soul. And for me, that is what running is all about.
Now for you, might be something different, not running 11 hours and feeling raw, vulnerable but SO alive. But the thing is, we are all in this same fight. The fight to keep the thing that warms us and sustains us alive. And it’s hard to do. Life takes us places, we never planned to go. We think we are in control but really, most aren’t in any kind of control, other than what they delude themselves of.
But you can succeed and find a way back to that child in you or a way back to that thing that sustains and nourishes your soul. You just got to be pig headed, dog headed (you know that dog that is so tired, but just keeps going). You just got to take no for an answer … take that no and walk with it long enough until it tires and you are able to go on, on to the thing you are, you love.
I don’t care if I ever run long again (well I do, but I realize I’m 60, 10 kgs over my running weight). But I’ve touched that sacred part of me and like Phidppides, I’m satisfied, I have conquered.
I do hope you will conquer and find your way back through the maze to those things you are and love.
A big shout out to Gordon Downie and the Hip. I usually never run with music but this time, it sustained me. A millions poems while pounding out the kilometers.
It's been a long time running
It's been a long time coming
It's been a long, long, long time running
It's well worth the wait
- The Tragically Hip. Long Time Coming.
What Are You Listening To?
Do you still put on that record?
You know
the one with the scratch
right before
the interlude?
Did you throw me out
or did I throw you out?
I don’t remember but
I do remember
that song
and how you’d dance
like a melting angel
and I’d join in
throwing you
between my legs,
laughing, frolicking
like they used to do it.
What are you listening to
these days?
What happened to that
record player?
Gone,
like the skip in our steps?
Left on the corner
after some house moving?
Did you move on?
Did I move on?
Or maybe we both
moved on?
Gone to
places where we both
got lost,
never getting back to
that record that
kept going
scratch ‘n all
keeping us going?
What are you listening to?
Going Astray