Graduation Speeches
It's that time of year. Spuffy, rosy, cheery convocation speeches that promote and spread big lies. Here are the main culprits.
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It’s that time of year again - the kids are graduating and the elites are sending them off with platitudes and cheery messages that life will be good, fine, the world is their oyster. Not.
I know about this topic well. I’ve been “honored” to give a good number of convocation speeches (here’s one on my old blog) and I too went through the motions. It is a kind of social ritual and the speeches are written in a defined register. It’s only the delivery really that separates these graduation speeches from each other. The content is basically the same. Students forget them, we all just go through the motions. Not the aim of a good speech, me thinks.
Here is my categorization of the kind of “lies” the convocation speech givers will spew out in cheery, go get ‘em, jingoism pap. They all bleed into each other, similar in message but for convenience, I’ve used my scalpel to discern and divide them into what their main thrust is.
By the way, there is also just the category of useless, boring, dull, trite convocation speeches by the famous. This one from Elon Musk is a must example.
[sidebar - my favorite and most realistic and true convocation speech is one by Bill Cosby around 2007 at Carnegie Mellon. But you can’t find it online anymore. Everything he did has been cleansed from the internet. I don’t concur with what he did, was convicted of - he’s evil. However, just saying, he could deliver a good speech. At the end I’ll list a few speeches I consider somewhat good - but yet to find any that avoid these 5 lies, tropes. Also find a poem at the end, what I’d now offer as my own graduation speech - maybe along with this one.]
The Main Themes Of Convocation Speeches
You can do anything you want. You can become anything you want.
Oh sure, unless you are born into a poor family. Unless you don’t default on the loans you need to keep paying forever (or even if you do - they’ll get you). Unless you can forget about the role chance, fortune plays in richness, that barometer of life, being somebody. Truth is, most won’t end up doing what they want - most graduates end up doing stuff to get by, pay bills and keep from being a total slave. Sorry to say.
Embrace your failure. You can overcome all adversity. Keep trying. Never give up. Yes, failure is just part of becoming a success. So don’t worry about your failures, your failing - how the elites keep you down. One day you’ll make it! But most won’t - the data doesn’t lie. Unless you come from money and connections, this is just a myth to blame YOU and not the rightful culprits.
Work hard and great things will happen. Just keep hanging in there. Meritocracy. Whatever you want to do - just do it. Now. Slightly different from the two categories above but very related. It is a message that the world is fair. It helps those who help themselves. If you work hard, are honest, and do all the right things, nothing can go wrong. Hmmm. Not any world I recognize. Swallow this blue pill at your own peril.
You are going to go places. The world is your oyster. Dream Big. The world needs you. The Dr. Seuss positive vibe message. Fact is, most won’t get further than a 3-month backpacking trip through S.E. Asia or C.America. And after returning to servitude - will be talking about that over their beers for decades to come. Dreaming, one day I’ll go places again yet never able to overcome the terrible inertia of their lives. - and think of how that inertia is made, who puts in place?
YOU are the most important person in the world. Believe in yourself. Be positive. Be authentic. Be yourself, true to thyself. This one really puts the knife in deep. It’s an endorsement of nihilism and egoism. A cheery kind of existentialism with a dollop of epicureanism on top. Forget about others. Just focus on yourself. Read all those self-help books, watch all those inspirational Youtube videos, and believe in the ad men and their messages. All just blather to keep YOU picking up the pick and buying things. Life will turn you into an actor, to survive - you’ll never be further from yourself trying to live in the world the people giving the convocation speeches have created.
Keep learning. It’s the secret to a successful life. Curiosity = happiness. Hahaha. I’m sorry to say, learning, really thinking and caring about the world is not a road to happiness. One learns and is curious despite the pain it will bring.
A few classic convocation speeches (usually given by dying men, cuz only then will they offer up the student’s truth, and afford themselves the honesty they should have shown while alive.
Steve Jobs - 2005 Stanford. Randy Pausch - Last Lecture. 2008, Carnegie Mellon.
I'm Sorry To Say.
Don't believe 'em.
The poor will inherit the earth.
The poor are the salt of the earth.
The poor will be first in line for heaven.
Don't believe 'em.
I've seen grown men
work all day with a machete
for a plate of rice and beans.
Work a lifetime
for only rice and beans.
I've seen grown men
cough blood
working underground
30 years
day in, day out
and not even own
the shack they lay in.
Don't believe 'em
when they tell you
suffering is noble
and perhaps they deserve
what they got -
it's a free world after all,
don't you know?
Don't believe them
when they say they are gonna
make the world a better place,
put a chicken in every pot
and a computer in each lap.
Don't believe 'em.
I've witnessed my own parents
sell our dog
to get some groceries
to last the week.
I've witnessed women
do 20 tricks a night
and go home with
no magic in their step
only instant noodles and cigs.
Don't believe 'em.
The only change that will come
and ever did come,
will be when the streets
run red with blood and anger
and the poor take
what is theirs, what is ours.
This is and has and will always be
the only way.
I'm sorry to say.